Saturday, August 11, 2018

Hurt People, Hurt People

I have spoken on this topic over the years.  It rings as true then as it does now
Hurt people truly hurt people.  They take out the way they were treated by someone and project that hurt on to you as a sort of payback.  This happens in relationships,  friendships,  between family members,  even at work and school.
Think about it? Where you ever bullied in school? I know I was.  That experience carried with me to Junior High School and I was ready to fight at any given time.  I was resentful and had a chip on my shoulder.  By high school, I was just angry and ready to fight. I felt I had so much strength in me, that if I fought a female I would kill her. That type of aggression isn't good. I had to learn to channel it. Dance became my outlet from an early age but it still existed. 

Life is funny though, when I became a young adult, I didn't realize how much people were hurting me and I was hurting them. I would be quick to argue, cut someone off, curse someone out without a second thought. I would cut ties and walk away. When people did it to me, I would be upset and cry and talk about it to others, but over time I just let the person do them. I would never show my tears though (I really believed for years that tears were a sign of weakness). All of this changed after I had my son. I had a harder time cutting people off without a second thought. Part of it was because I didn't want to be alone (I felt that way after my Mom's passing and my failed relationship with my son's father plus the abuse left deep scars that were hard to hide). As I became older,  I noticed I clung to people who didn't want anything to do with me. Or worse, I became friends and had relationships with others that didn't think well of me. Would say hurtful things for sport. Somethings I would brush off, others I would mull over, or sometimes I would snap. 

It became worse when I brought back the same people in my life that I knew have done horrible things to me and I to them. I may have made amends with the person, put it behind me, but they aren't over it. Add what I've done to what others may have done and now this person is harboring hurt, anger, pain, jealousy, envy, and even hatred in their heart for me and anyone else that crosses them. That's a huge mistake we make as a people at times. Differentiating and discerning why you are so angry at the person who you supposedly forgave so long ago? 

What about relationships? You know, the ones when you enter into a new relationship with old baggage and habits. You begin to do the comparison game. You intentionally or unintentionally sabotage the relationship in question by your actions, by your big mouth. Oh, I've been there. I was the giver and the receiver for these things. 

If you are hurt, figure it out, get counseling, do something but don't, DO NOT, bring it to another person that doesn't deserve it. Even if they do deserve it, so what! What would that do for you to intentionally hurt someone else, other than cause more pain and suffering? No one in this world is perfect, of course. We all know we have done horrible things to people we love, people we care for. Things you can't take back. Let's be the ones to hold ourselves accountable. Stand in the mirror and really take a deep look at yourself to see the things you have done to someone else. Did that person really deserve that backlash? Did that person deserve the cold shoulder? Complete silence? Or the screaming match you wanted to start up about something that happened months ago? Was that payback, that revenge, really worth it? Instead of hurting people hurting people, let's be healing people healing people. And let's start this today by taking honest looks at ourselves and our own actions.

You can't change anyone else but you.

Mommyhood

I struggle a lot with being a single mom.  To some it may seem I have this down pat but honestly, I'm just learning as the days go by. I...