I have learned in my lifetime if I don't follow God's will, a slippery slope follows. Somehow, I lost sight of that this year. I became anxious, fearful, and allowed myself to get in a position to abort the promises God had for me. Unfortunately, it took literally a year to realize this. I had what I had prayed for. I was happy in a relationship that I walked away from due to fear, anger, and misunderstanding. I allowed myself to look at the bad things and let it overshadow the good.
I later gave up my degree because things got hard in my personal life. I gave up friendships that at the time I thought I should because in my own hurt and fear it made sense, it seemed right, not realizing I was making a temporary problem a permanent solution. I had so many signs from God. Sermons about forgiveness, the orphan spirit mentioned during a fast I was doing with a prayer group that year, visions of what was to be and the decisions I made in the visions. I got clouded by fear and self-sabotage took its place. I allowed people that were never for me to make decisions for me, not realizing it was jealousy that drove their actions. Before I realized it, I was on a path I wasn't supposed to take and I was in my own "wilderness period". A friend and I spoke about this weeks after my move to Georgia. Disobedience causes wilderness periods. I pointed blame, I became stressed, started losing weight, and nothing-I mean absolutely nothing-brought fruition. I lost my business, I lost my car, and nothing was prospering.
I started to fall in a season of hopelessness. I didn't believe the one thing I prayed and petition to God for would ever happen-Marriage. I wanted to be married so badly in my 20's. It is one of those things I wanted since I was a little girl. I stopped believing that I would ever be married anymore and truly thought I was content in that never happening. I put aside my dream of finishing my degree and decided to just work instead. I slowly stopped believing. I had made a vision board with some friend's this past new year and everything on the vision board (that I never finished) was no longer what I cared to believe in because I figured what was the point. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago. I was praying and petitioning for things that were not happening. The things that were happening I didn't feel joy for the promises because I became I practically became numb to it. That's a dangerous place to be with God.
My cousin and friend really brought this to the forefront for me today. My cousin argued me down (for the third week in a row) to get her point across and my friend just got me all the way together. I realized that I was losing hope even in my current circumstances because I created them. I caused my heartache, my own frustration, my anxiety. I began feeling this tightening in my chest for the 3rd time this week and kept saying it was just anxiety. I felt God speaking to me about so many things and He pretty much told me this was of my own doing and free will (which my friend also mentioned). Now, what do I do about it? I apologized to God, really apologized and asked His forgiveness and told Him to do what He has to fix what I wrecked.
I say this to say, follow God's will. His will never steers you wrong. He does for us, not to condemn, but to help and to get us to the destiny and destination He has in store for us. Trust in the process. Remember who you are in God. If it is a God vision, it will come to pass. No one owes you anything, not even God. Take accountability and accept your mishaps and mistakes. Be quick to forgive and slow to anger. Stop negative talk, especially self-talk. For as bad as it is for you, someone else has it much worse. You are loved by God and He wants more than enough for you.
The anxiety isn't as great anymore and the chest tightness stopped. God is and that's my reminder. My life is far from perfect but God is greater than my mess.
I later gave up my degree because things got hard in my personal life. I gave up friendships that at the time I thought I should because in my own hurt and fear it made sense, it seemed right, not realizing I was making a temporary problem a permanent solution. I had so many signs from God. Sermons about forgiveness, the orphan spirit mentioned during a fast I was doing with a prayer group that year, visions of what was to be and the decisions I made in the visions. I got clouded by fear and self-sabotage took its place. I allowed people that were never for me to make decisions for me, not realizing it was jealousy that drove their actions. Before I realized it, I was on a path I wasn't supposed to take and I was in my own "wilderness period". A friend and I spoke about this weeks after my move to Georgia. Disobedience causes wilderness periods. I pointed blame, I became stressed, started losing weight, and nothing-I mean absolutely nothing-brought fruition. I lost my business, I lost my car, and nothing was prospering.
I started to fall in a season of hopelessness. I didn't believe the one thing I prayed and petition to God for would ever happen-Marriage. I wanted to be married so badly in my 20's. It is one of those things I wanted since I was a little girl. I stopped believing that I would ever be married anymore and truly thought I was content in that never happening. I put aside my dream of finishing my degree and decided to just work instead. I slowly stopped believing. I had made a vision board with some friend's this past new year and everything on the vision board (that I never finished) was no longer what I cared to believe in because I figured what was the point. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago. I was praying and petitioning for things that were not happening. The things that were happening I didn't feel joy for the promises because I became I practically became numb to it. That's a dangerous place to be with God.
My cousin and friend really brought this to the forefront for me today. My cousin argued me down (for the third week in a row) to get her point across and my friend just got me all the way together. I realized that I was losing hope even in my current circumstances because I created them. I caused my heartache, my own frustration, my anxiety. I began feeling this tightening in my chest for the 3rd time this week and kept saying it was just anxiety. I felt God speaking to me about so many things and He pretty much told me this was of my own doing and free will (which my friend also mentioned). Now, what do I do about it? I apologized to God, really apologized and asked His forgiveness and told Him to do what He has to fix what I wrecked.
I say this to say, follow God's will. His will never steers you wrong. He does for us, not to condemn, but to help and to get us to the destiny and destination He has in store for us. Trust in the process. Remember who you are in God. If it is a God vision, it will come to pass. No one owes you anything, not even God. Take accountability and accept your mishaps and mistakes. Be quick to forgive and slow to anger. Stop negative talk, especially self-talk. For as bad as it is for you, someone else has it much worse. You are loved by God and He wants more than enough for you.
The anxiety isn't as great anymore and the chest tightness stopped. God is and that's my reminder. My life is far from perfect but God is greater than my mess.
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